All Teared Up

There aren’t too many things that get me teary-eyed.  One of those is conjunctivitis.  Pink eye (or at the Thais call it “red-eye”), is something I see a little more of in Thailand than I remember seeing in the Northwest. 

Earlier on in my time here, one friend in particular seemed to have it twice a month or so.  It may have been that Thailand had some bugs that he hadn’t much resistance to, or maybe it had something to do with him living in the post-tsunami refugee camps at the time.  The kids running around the camp seemed to come down with it from time to time, but that may have been just because of the Canadian guy with sensitive eyes staying among them.  Eventually another friend staying at the camp caught it from the kids.  She (along with my wife and I) seemed to think it was pretty funny when she rubbed her eye, then stuck it in the eye of another friend who had been doing his best to stay away from the outbreak.  He didn’t find it quite so funny.

Thinking back on that, it seems more mean that funny.  Until last week, I hadn’t had this annoying affliction since I was about six years old.  Like my friend, I probably got it from someone sticking their hand in my face; but unlike him it probably wasn’t intentional.  I’m sure all of my readers know first hand about this irritating, yet non-serious bug.  But I learned a few things this week that maybe you didn’t know:

• don’t ride motorcycles when you have pink-eye.  The wind combined with lack of face-shield only seems to aggravate the condition.
• don’t let on to any of your ESL students that you have pink-eye.  Their parents will be calling with sudden cancelations.
• don’t ride motorcycles at dusk when you have pink-eye.  The insects pelting you eyeballs only seem to aggravate the condition.

In writing this, I’m reminded that there is a certain line in attempted humorous autobiographical writing.  A line between taking a light-hearted outlook towards the things you go through, and revealing to the whole internet that you might be a bit of an idiot.

Whoops, I think I need to put some eye-drops in, I’m getting all teared up again. 

Chew On This

Growing up in the northwest United States, I was exposed to a few things that kids in other parts of the world might be missing out on.  No, I’m not referring to hunting, fishing, and other outdoor activities – though most kids are sorely lacking in exposure to those types of sports.  What I had in mind was something a little less wholesome: chew.  That’s right, good ol’ chewing tobacco. 

I remember as a kid in Jr. High, when I became the lucky owner of a half pouch of Beechnut.  How this bag of smokeless gold came to rest in a ditch along the road where I walked home from school, I’ll never know.  Most likely it had been discarded by a more discriminating snuff user upon his first taste of the stuff.  My outdoorsman hero chewed Copenhagen, but that brand is only for the toughest and most rugged northwesterners.  And for people old enough to buy their own. 

Thankfully, chew was hard enough for me to procure at that age that it lost it’s attraction before I could make a habit of it.  Nowadays it seems that chewing tobacco is a habit still kept only by tough old outdoorsman (and women) types of another generation.  Actually, a similar description could be applied to the “chew” many people enjoy here in Thailand.  You guessed it: betel nut.

Betel nut, or “mahk” in Thai, was at one time quite common in S.E. Asia, but in recent decades has fallen into decline.  When you take a look at the long term effects on your mouth, it isn’t hard to see why:

Betel nut trees (actually, Areca palms) can be found most anywhere in Thailand.  As I write this I can see a few in the neighbor’s front yard.  They are used as ornamental palms practically everywhere.  Here are a few in the city park:

The betel nuts (Areca nuts) grow on little sprigs off of the trunk.  The cows grazing in the park didn’t seem to mind me helping myself to some of the local produce.

Kids in America really don’t know what they’re missing.  Anyone old enough to walk can buy betel nut if they like.  No need scavenge for it, or wait in front of convenience stores asking people to buy it for you.  Heck, if they don’t want to buy it, they can grab a few from their own front yards. 

Betel nut contains a mild stimulant.  Something akin to a cup of coffee.  I didn’t notice anything of that nature, but I did find that it makes your whole mouth numb!  The taste also leaves a lot to be desired.  Try to imagine the bitter/sour flavor of a very green banana.  Now multiply that by a hundred and you have something close to the flavor of fresh mahk off the tree.  On the plus side though, it still tastes better than Beechnut.

Not-So-Happy New Year

Enough already.  Songkran is supposed to be over, and I’m supposed to be able to leave the house without getting wet.  Wrongo.  This is not the case in small town central Thailand.  Fortunately, for you, you are reading the blog of one savvy central Thailand dweller.  Here are my tips for staying dry in central Thai:

Don’t Be Foreign

I can’t stress this point enough.  In villages like mine, people generally play nice when it comes to Songkran.  No throwing water on people with mobile phones, cameras, newspapers, and anything else that your fun will likely destroy.  The exception to this rule being that if foreigners are holding anything falling into that category, everybody will go out of their way to target them.

Aim High

The old trick they teach you in driving school?  Aiming high just might keep you dry.  As you cruise the many lanes of your central Thai village, scan far ahead for wet patches on the road.  These are dead giveaways of children and teenagers lurking with buckets of water.  If you see these spots early enough, you may still have time to choose an alternate route.

Use Human Shields

As it turns out, the Palestinians really know what they are doing when they pull this one.  I make it a point to bring my one-year-old daughter with me on trips to the market.  If my careful search for wet road, and attempts to look Thai fail, she may yet cause the little water flinging delinquents to find mercy somewhere in their Songkran loving hearts.

If after following these tips you are still getting wet days after Songkran officially ends, just do what the Thais do: smile.  Us foreigners really have no one to blame but ourselves.  Sitting on a motorcycle in nice dry clothes was just asking for trouble.

New Years Celebration in April

I avoided it for two days, but in the I end I just couldn’t help myself.  I joined in a bit of the water fightin’ fun for this year’s Songkran festival.  It seemed to be a bit much last year, but this time around the kids and I kind of enjoyed it.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t that fun for everyone.  For most of the first two days of the Buddhist new year, while many of us folks out in the province were shooting each other with squirt guns, another bunch of folks in Bangkok were shooting each other with tear gas and live ammunition.  By the third day of the festivities, the rioters in Bangkok had surrendered, and most of us out in the boondocks seemed to have grown weary of water fights.

Many expats and Thais alike complain how Songkran has gotten out of hand in recent years.  Perhaps not as out of hand as the Taksin supporters in Bangkok, but some people do seem to overdo it.  My sleepy little town in Central Thailand didn’t have problems with either of the two trouble-making groups.  The kids were polite and didn’t get people wet who obviously weren’t playing (mostly), and the red-shirted rebels were nowhere to be found. 

Technically this year the celebration is over, and apparently so are the demonstrations in Bangkok.  But both are a lot like a Brian Bosworth haircut: you can be sure they will come back.  No matter how ugly it got the last time around.  Some things really just can’t be helped.

Beating the Summer Heat

 It’s time again for the Songkran festival again.  Songkran is the Theravada Buddhist new years celebration, marked nowadays by dowsing anyone and everyone with water.  Last year I posted a few shots of the festivities – but I’m a little reluctant to take the camera out into the watery belly of the beast again.  The whole water-fight/parade/party sounds about as appealing a way to beat the heat as wet socks.  The three-day holiday part of it will be nice though.  A good book for me, some squirt guns for the kids, and BAM – a happy Songkran for everyone.

The Hottest Thai Food in the World Pt.2

I’ve been trying my hand at gardening.  When we arrived back in Thailand, I planted several different vegetables. and a couple different kinds of trees.  I was amazed at the abuse that tropical plants can handle. 

Back home in the northwest, I can remember unsuccessful hunters trying to take home western larch saplings as a reminder of their favorite place to get skunked.  But not a single tree ever survived the transplant from eastern to western WA.  These things are much easier in Thailand.  Like the time I saw a particular tree I wanted for the yard, growing (assumedly) wild near a rice field.  I yanked it up by the roots and rode home with it on the motorcycle, roots (more like a stub) blowing freely in the wind.  After sticking it in the ground with a little water from time to time, my new tree is doing just fine.  Another tree was given to me after church one day.  They had yanked it up by the roots and kept it in a bucket of water for me.  I chucked it in the back of the truck and went on to the next church for the day and forgot about it.  Then got invited to a friends house for lunch.  Late that afternoon I got home and remembered the now crispy, dried-out, rootless piece of wood that was in the back of the truck.  This one took a little more time, but as of this writing, it has sprouted fresh leaves.

Since it is so easy to grow things in the tropics, my faithful readers must be wondering how my bhut jolokia peppers are coming along.  I’m ashamed to report that they aren’t.  Sure, they survived the heat and lack of care on my part, but they couldn’t survive the bugs.  I guess even the pests in central Thailand like spicy food.  The whole project wasn’t a total loss however.  I’ve still got a few seeds left, so maybe I’ll try them again when the rainy season starts.